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by Bethany Webster
Consistently mothering yourself eventually allows you to release the need to be small or play small in life.
When we mother the child within ourselves, we are cultivating an inner environment of safety and unconditional love that we did not experience in our childhoods. This heals the frozen energy of early trauma and brings our inner child into the present moment where her purity, innocence, vitality and creativity can be brought into our daily lives.
With commitment and consistency, we eventually cross a border where our inner child feels safe enough to sense herinherent abundance that comes from Being itself. There dawns within you full permission to be ALL that you are.
In doing so we can experience that sense of inner wealth and abundance; our bigness and fullness of BEING.
Over time we develop a stable baseline of increased inner safety, which leads to an abiding and sacred sense of overflowing. There emerges a felt sense of the infinite love, support and space to be who you are. This extends to a feeling of infinite love and support from the universe and from life itself. We begin to see that our very essence is abundance.
The world teaches us to make the outer world primary and the inner world secondary. But the opposite is true; the inner must be primary for us to step into our mastery. Mastery means living from the luminous core within, committing to loving ourselves unconditionally, being transparent to lesser energies and sustaining a high vibration. A time arrives when we will not accept anything less than this.
How do we embody the sovereign feminine?
To step into our mastery, we must be increasingly sovereign over ourselves and our own energy. This means fiercely protecting your inner child and thus, allowing your inner life to be your priority. Your sovereignty is what allows you to fully flower and emerge into your full potential. Everything flows from this commitment. What society sees as selfish (self-care) is actually an act of great service. Over time, a powerful self-reinforcing cycle gains momentum from your increased self-respect, integrity and alignment between your inner values and your outer life.
We mother ourselves into mastery.
Many women find themselves vacillating between patterns of deprivation and binging. The message of deprivation is "If I'm my real, big self, I'll be rejected. I must stay small." And the message of binging is "I can't help that I am big! I need soothing from the pain of denying who I am." The inner mother is the "middle way" and as we consistently soothe ourselves through our fears and do the necessary grieving, we stop needing to vacillate between deprivation and binging in terms of food, spending or other substances/activities.
Recently I was in London and visited Westminster Abbey. During my visit, I saw an image of the Madonna and Child which struck me with its simplicity and power. The image conveyed a deeper meaning to me than ever before. I saw Mary as a symbol of the Sovereign Feminine in men and women who courageously nurtures the inner child, thereby transforming the "illegitimate child" within us into the "light of the world." The thought appeared in my mind: "This is what gives birth to worlds." The integration of the healed inner child and the conscious, wise adult self culminates as a new way of Being, a bridge of form and matter, the new earth itself. (See the image below: The Holy Mother and Divine Child are situated between two candles; symbolizing the 'middle way' in between the polarities.)
We embody the Goddess when we mother the traumatized child within ourselves.
As we mother ourselves, a great sense of peace and freedom pervades, and we increasingly release the need for others to change in order to feel "OK." We can increasingly let others be who they are and release attachment to being seen accurately by them. This becomes possible when we've reached a certain point when we can accurately see and appreciate ourselves enough to let go. We do this by mothering our traumatized inner children into the safety of the present moment.
We re-parent ourselves in real-time--by feeling the pain of the past trauma AND any pain of a current situation....by mothering ourselves on both levels simultaneously.
It is a point of great power to live with awareness of many levels at the same time; to be aware as the adult in present time and as the inner child, and also as the formless, divine presence that we are at the deepest level. Living this way, we operate from a high vibration and positively affect our environment.
The best use of an imperfect childhood is to use your family’s shortcomings to birth your greatness. Your greatness is simply being more of who you TRULY are at your core. This is the deeper gift available in the pain of our abuse. This is the true resurrection.
When we discover the light in our deepest pain, we become capable of seeing it everywhere and in everything. Unity consciousness and existential belonging become a felt reality.
Being the sovereign feminine is being both tender and fierce.
Allow yourself to be large. Allow yourself to take up space.
Over time, we reach a point where our inner child feels safe enough to start to let go of the early beliefs that tell us we must be small in order to be loved. And in doing so, we are increasingly able to experience increased levels of vitality, wonder, creativity, joy, bliss, excitement, comfort and the ability to receive more good things in your life.
The inner bond allows you to emotionally separate from the toxic messages of "less-than" and "stay small" that women receive from the wider culture.
The need for other people to understand us in order to feel OK
The need to change or modify others to feel loved by them
Tolerating poor treatment from others and blaming ourselves
Feeling guilty for our true desires and feelings
Forgiveness is the felt realization that their behavior was never about you.
By healing the Mother Wound and mothering ourselves, it's possible to genuinely forgive our mothers (and other people) for how they may have pressured you to stay small. What makes genuine forgiveness possible is that you begin to realize on a very deep, somatic level that that their inability to see you hadnothing whatsoever to do with you. This is not just on the conceptual level, but deep in your bones it becomes very obvious that their hurtful behavior was just a reflection of their own fears and wounds, which were never your responsibility to fix. A massive weight is lifted with this realization.
When you realize that your bigness is part of your gifts and part of your power, you are free to claim it and live it fully!
Your "largeness" is not a liability; it is your
I now love and accept my bigness
I lovingly accept my big energy and intensity
I lovingly accept my big ability to love
I lovingly accept my big dreams and desires
I lovingly accept my big ability to feel deeply
I lovingly accept my big commitment to truth and authenticity.
I lovingly accept who I am right now.
Accept that your "bigness" is not a rejection of others, nor is it being superior to others. Your bigness is simply claiming what you already are, owning it with joy and bringing it into the world.
The message in the Mother Wound is that if you claim your bigness, that you're depriving or abandoning your mother. This belief is a symptom of enmeshment between mothers and daughters that is so deep in our culture we're often unaware of it. Stepping out of this enmeshment is what allows you to claim your power without guilt or apology. You can feel your right as an individual to live your life on your own terms and know deep within, that your happiness is not depriving others in any way. This is honoring your true nature as abundance.
Accept that any defensive attempts of others to “knock you down to size” are reflections of how small they feel in their own life. (You can feel compassion for them and let it go.) Accept that how others feel in your presence is none of your business. This realization is real when you can feel the visceral relief in your body. It's a huge shift that liberates you on many levels.
Your "bigness" does not mean that others are "small." And their inability to understand that is not your responsibility. Give yourself permission to stop explaining and apologizing for being your Full Self.
Wow, what freedom! You don’t need to take that on! And you don’t need to disparage others for not seeing you accurately. It’s simply where they are at. You can allow them to be as they are and rest in your center with integrity and an open heart.
There's a diamond that’s always been in your pocket. Claim it now. It's possible to live your bigness with joy and gratitude! The more your treasure and cherish yourself, living fully from your inner light, the more it gives others permission to do the same. What a gift!
Mother yourself until you can feel the exuberant energy of pure joy that emerges in your daily life when your inner child feels safe enough within you to bring her sense of PLAY into your daily life!
"I now allow myself to be all that I am and all that I am meant to be."
Allow yourself to embody the full breadth and scope of all that you are:
To give big
To receive big
To love big
To be loved big
To achieve big
To live big
To serve big
As you claim your inner wealth and overflowing bounty of being, you will likely experience its natural byproduct: increased opportunities, loving relationships, outer wealth and success.
What does it mean to be your full, overflowing self in your daily life?
Giving yourself space to be who you are and loving yourself in this moment
Knowing that the universe is ultimately friendly no matter the present, external conditions
Not allowing your inner space to be cluttered with negativity, struggle or scarcity
Coming from a high level in everything you do. Maintaining a high vibration.
Remembering that Being is primary. Make coming from that pure place of Being a priority in your daily life.
Comforting and nurturing yourself (and your inner child) whenever you need it. Not putting it off.
Valuing yourself and valuing those you serve in your work. Offering huge value to others.
Having impeccable boundaries that support you in being your Highest Self.
Having fun and a bringing a sense of play into your work!
Communicating with clarity and integrity.
Taking care of your body.
Ask for support when you need it and delegate when possible.
Surrendering all doubts and concerns and trusting that all is well.
© Bethany Webster 2014 - 2018
Art credits in order of appearance: Rolf Armstrong
Does this article resonate with you?
I invite you to explore my offerings on healing the Mother Wound:
About the Mother WoundOnline CoursePrivate CoachingWorkshopsResourcesAbout Bethany WebsterTestimonialsMedia
Why It's Crucial to Heal the Mother WoundYour Hunger is HolyBringing the Dark Mother Into the LightMaking Peace with Our PowerNavigating "No Contact"The Rupture of the Mother LineThe Most Insidious Forms of Patriarchy Pass Through the Mother
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